I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
