physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
