I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i used baking grease as lip gloss
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
