Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
