He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
