pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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