so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
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I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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