Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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