There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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