I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
