I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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