I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize