I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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