Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
