If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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