you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
zippers are such a cool invention
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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