I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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