Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
