He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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