I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
