The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
