So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
