I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
