I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just high enough for therapy.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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