I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
