so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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