That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
