She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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