I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize