He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
