I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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