We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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