I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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