the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
