you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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