a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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