Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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