Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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