remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
