JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
