I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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