We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
