I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
