He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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