i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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