I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I want her autograph on my taint
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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