And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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