He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
