I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
