we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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