that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
