My nipple is on Facebook.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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