He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
