Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
As shirtless as possible
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
