so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
