Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
