this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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