i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
So. Much. Porn.
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