hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
