I think I just saw someone hide a body.
one might say we're banned from that church
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
bring money and cleavage
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
