She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
