"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
