is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
