Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
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It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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