His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
