24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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