Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
