32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
