I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
