who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
