We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize