I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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