When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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