I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
