"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
